To change to parts 2 and 3 on the flash player, hit the “next” arrow to move forward.

The Themetacular music contest is now locked and loaded. I’ll post the finalists (and honorable mentions) on Monday. A heads-up: only registered commenters can vote, and the results aren’t public. We did this to quell any kind of cheating or vote tampering. So if you want to vote, get registered. The Leet World is just like the real world in that way.

We’ll be doing audio for Episode 14 tonight. A big audio pow-wow, as it were. Screenies are coming this weekend, and even some audio outtakes for Episode 13 are on the horizon, as well.

And now, the bio that you’ve all been dying for. This week, we take a look at the life of Player. Sort of.

Name: Player
Age: ????
Team: Counter-Terrorists
Position: Team Meme and Real Noob

The thing about Player is that he is a walking internet meme. He is a lover of all things meme-related, including Rick Rolls, “All Your Base”, 1337 speak, lolcats and more. But what drives him? What is that thing in his background or boyhood days that has turned him into who he is? To be honest, we’re not sure. In fact, nobody even knows how old he is. On his application, under “Age”, he simply wrote “CAKE FTW PLZ?”

Though we don’t know much about Player, we do have access to his (mostly unreadable) application for The Leet World, as well as an interview that was conducted with him (and each of the contestants) prior to the writing of these bios. Through this, we’ve pieced together some general information about him.

For instance, his favorite food is lameburgers, his favorite drink is “I DRUNK UR MILKSHEK” and his favorite movie is Short Circuit… or at least we think it is, because he wrote “JONNY FIVE ALIIIIVE” in the blank next to that question. In addition to those things, Player enjoys activities like shooting his guns, watching TV and listening to prank phone calls on the internet.

Player doesn’t seem to remember much about his life as a child or even how he got his somewhat rudimentary counter-terrorist training and subpar lol-nade capabilities. Or perhaps he would just rather not discuss it. Regardless, when asked about where he grew up, Player had this to say:

Player: DUNNO WHO CAREZ N E WAY??

Interviewer: Can you tell us about your parents?

Player: DEY PROLLY NUBS LIKE J00. KEN I HAVE J00 PEN?

Interviewer: Um, sure… You don’t know your parents?

Player: K THX FOR PEN!!11! DAD OLD AND TALK LOTS

Interviewer: Tell me more about him- do you talk to him anymore? Player?

Player: WUT

Interviewer: What are you drawing on my face?

Player: BOOOOOOOBS LOLOLOLOLOL

Recent records indicate that Player joined a Washington Counter-Terrorism unit just over 6 months ago. He didn’t apply, he just showed up with some official looking papers, a feisty attitude and a curious child-like mind. While he often seemed to get poor marks for service, ineptitude, posting lolcat pictures on people’s desktops and harassing other agents, the general consensus is that people thought Player was very funny, if at times bratty.

Many officers liked his practical jokes. The most notable entry in his short career is when he confused a fellow agent by sending him to the “lollervator” to get to the “secret floor” where he would find “lollercoasters”. To this day, Player still believes that this secret floor in the CTU building actually exists, though millions of dollars of investigatory research would suggest otherwise.

Unfortunately for Player, he was a trickster one too many times. While saving a hostage during a training exercise, he promptly told a pregnant woman to “STFU PREGGER”, giving away his team’s position. When questioned by his captain, Player simply responded with “WTF SHE STOOPID”. He was suspended for a week, but Player continued showing up to work, trying to be friends with his co-workers and other agents, despite the captain demanding that he be sent home. Eventually, the captain was forced to let Player go from CTU. Oddly enough, the captain was fired two days later and Player was asked to join the force again, but his audition for The Leet World was already a hit with the studio execs, who offered him a position on the show.

Another excerpt from Player’s bio interview has to do with his motivations for being on The Leet World.

Interviewer: So why do you want to be on The Leet World, Player? What’s in it for you?

Player: $$$$$$

Interviewer: Is that it? Just money?

Player: I SUPOSD 2 BE IN LEET WORLD.

Interviewer: What do you mean “you’re supposed to”? Do you mean that you have to, because you lost your job?

Player: NOOOO U BE STEELIN MY BUCKIT!

Interviewer: Are you talking about the “lolrus”? That was a very funny joke.

Player: IT NO JOKE. DEY STEEL BUCKET. HE : (

Interviewer: Right. Would you like to continue the interview now?

Player: OMG TALK 4 EVER

Often before talking to Player, it becomes crucial to research any internet jokes past and present. Otherwise, you could be completely lost in the conversation. When he first applied for the show, the studio had to provide a translator to send messages between Player and the studio execs. These conversations were filled with many frowny faces, lots of exclamation points and even an STFU or two. All in all, though, Player was a hit and brought onto The Leet World for his unique sense of humor and his knack for getting into trouble.

Hopefully we’ll learn more about Player as he spends more time in the house interacting with his fellow cast members.

*For the purposes of this article, an internet meme is a joke-phenomenon that is transferred via the Internet, a series of plastic tubes, from user-to-user. Lols, to be more specific.

L337- No glasses model can be found here.

The next month is pretty packed: as of now, we’re planning to bring a new short (maybe two), Episode Thirteen, a new podcast and lots of other cool features. I think you guys will enjoy what we’ve got cooking. But then again, we’re terrible at planning and like an antithesis to Ian Malcolm’s “Life finds a way” speech in Jurassic Park, things tend to find a way to kick us as far as our production schedule goes. That’s when life shows up and hisses at us and blinds us with its black gooey saliva of eye-pain.

Naturally, I assumed that releasing an episode would override any desire to read the next character bio, but clearly, you people are addicted. So, as planned, here’s this week’s installment of The Leet World character bios: Montrose.

Name: Montrose
Age: 29
Team: Terrorists
Position: Number Two, Sharpshooter

Born into a terribly wealthy family, Montrose was a boy much like any other boy in his neighborhood. Not only did he like shooting air rifles, playing hide and seek and making fun of others less fortunate than him, he also liked to play dress up and showed a penchant for interior decorating. Wait, that’s actually not like any of the other boys at all.

Montrose’s stinking rich parents were not around all that much, what with the various trips they had to take and the country club functions to attend, but when they were, they encouraged Montrose to pursue his interests, especially the lucrative ones. After his dad desperately pleaded with him to join his junior high lacrosse team, Montrose discovered something else about himself – he was kind of a bad ass. Sure, the boys liked to make fun of him for the way he talked, dressed and acted. But his aim on the lacrosse field was unmatched, and he had the physical prowess to really knock some of his peers down. This discovery lead to a surprising amount of confidence from the young fashion-obsessed preteen, and he developed a quick wit to verbally dominate those that would oppose him.

By the time he was in high school, Montrose’s feminine ways were generally accepted, but he longed to follow his heart and his dreams to attend a university where he could study design. Applying himself fully to the classroom, he graduated from high school one year early and at the head of his class. Many of Montrose’s friends would later describe him as one of the smartest people they ever knew, though he often hid it underneath sassy retorts.

While in college, Montrose soared through his general requirements, always breaking the curve in his classes. His one goal was to come away from school with a major in fashion design, and he even started a brief clothing line that he ran out of his dorm room titled “Jaguar Boots”. Montrose kind of has a thing for boots, owning upwards of 1000 pairs.

However, like most young lads do when they move away from home and go to an expensive school, Montrose became blindly devoted to a variety of political causes. Foregoing his studies to attend rallies and protests for whatever kids protest about, he soon left the college campus and flew overseas, in order to see more of the world with his own eyes. And this is when his life changed.

While traveling through third world countries, Montrose caught the eye of a vocal political figure known simply to the public as “The Jaguar”. The Jaguar was committed to bettering the society of poverty around him. His smart political rhetoric quickly endeared Montrose to him, and he was offered a job within the Jaguar’s staff as a general errand boy and wardrobe consultant.

However, things were not as they seemed. The Jaguar was more than a political figure – he ran an underground terrorist cell, striking various targets in order to promote his agenda. Montrose was quickly swept up into this world, fascinated by the people that he met, and the things that he saw. Over the years, Montrose rose through the Jaguar’s ranks to become the behind-the-scenes brains of the operations. He made plans, phone calls, oversaw missions, and helped the Jaguar with his hair and makeup before big speeches. During this time, he met Enrique, who became one of his best friends.

While many saw Montrose as a potential replacement for the aging Jaguar, there were many more who would be offended that such an apparently feminine man could be their leader. Besides, it was so embarrassing when he would sweat to the oldies wearing his pink high tops every morning around the base.

After the Jaguar passed on, Montrose was pushed out of the regime and sent on his way after another, more “manly” figure stepped into the mantle of the Jaguar, taking the name for himself. Montrose didn’t want to be the leader, but deep down wondered if he was really suited for the job after all. Heart broken and left with nowhere to go, both Montrose and Enrique traveled back to the United States in order to audition for a reality show that offered the chic terrorist a new hope for a new life- The Leet World.

Previous Character Bios:

Leeroy
Ahmad

Ultimate Ninja Terrorist Skin created by Ralconn.