Ellis:The Redneck Trek

We’re closing the gap on Episode 13. It should be out within the week, though as we’ve established, Episodes are like King Kong. You never know when it’s going to climb a big building with a blonde chick and gripe about not coming down. Until you pummel it with bullets, bi-planes and editing tools.

If you hadn’t heard, the deadline for the Themetacular Challenge is now next Monday, May 19th, mainly because when we first planned the contest, we were hoping to have Episode 13 out last week, meaning that you could start voting on a finalist in preparation for the season finale, where the winning song will grace us all with its splendid tunes.

Pretty soon, you’ll see previews for future plans. Smooth Few Films is excited. And when we’re excited, that’s good for you guys.

Since there was no bio last week, I thought I’d bring this one to kick us off on the final countdown to Episode 13. Today, we’re going to take a walk with Ellis, The Leet World’s country boy.

Name: Ellis
Age: 32
Team: Terrorists
Position: Team Loudmouth

Family. It was all that mattered to the parents, aunts, uncles and cousins that Ellis grew up with. Though Ellis today is famous for his “me first” attitude, this wasn’t always the case. Growing up, life was all about doing the family proud, getting each other’s backs and going deer hunting while liquored up. Eventually, though, Ellis learned the harsh reality that family could be a bitch. Especially pretty cousins.

Ellis was reared in a humble double-wide trailer as a child, which his family shared with his uncles Tom and Billy, as well as their wives, ex-wives and kids. All in all, things were a bit crowded with 20-something people living in such a small place, but they couldn’t complain. Everyone lived peacefully, drank until they passed out, watched day time soaps together and talked about how patriotic they were. As he got older, Ellis’s older cousins Ted and Austin taught him the ways of growing into a young man. They gave him his first “adult” magazines at the age of 7, and taught him to throw back his first sixpack when he was just 9 years old. They also introduced him to rock n’ roll.

When he was 10, Ellis had two experiences that shaped his young life. For one, he shot his first deer. Sure, since he was 3 or 4, he had learned to shoot pistols, rifles and all manner of shotguns, but killing his first large creature was something truly noteworthy to those living in his double-wide trailer. Ellis loved the rush of pulling the trigger, was exhilarated by the thrill of victory as the rifle shot echoed across the highway. Oh yeah, Ellis did this from the window of his dad’s pick-up.

The second event that altered Ellis’s young life was his first kiss, which happened to be for “practice” with his cousin Mary Beth. This led to a long, twisted period of emotional and physical confusion for Ellis which caused him to promptly drop out of high-school when she later declared her love for him at 16. Fighting against the urgings of his family to “seal the deal”, Ellis fled from his simple country town and holed up in a cabin with his cousins Ted and Austin, who were technically adults.

Though their penchant for adult magazines and videos had died only slightly, their love for all things related to shooting, trouble and patriotism had not. Late at night, Ellis and his cousins would often sneak out to wreak havoc on surrounding towns, using makeshift bombs to rob businesses and disturb the general public. The trio also started an AC/DC cover band called “Red, White and Blow it the F*** Up”. Ellis enjoyed living like a rebel, no rules but his own, making money and rocking out in crowded dirty bars. It was the American dream.

Eventually, though, things took a turn south for their days of being rebellious rock gods. Ted and Austin were drafted to join the army. Ellis applied too, but as it turns out, was too stupid. Once the two young men left, Ellis felt all alone in the world. He went back home to his family, who were still urging him to knock it out of the park with Mary Beth (they figured her current ex-husband and two kids wouldn’t mind having him around). After several months, Ellis was challenged by his father to pursue his dreams.

This is when Ellis took off on an unprecedented journey. Having learned from peanut butter and banana sandwiches that two great tastes can, in fact, taste great together, Ellis decided to combine two things that he loved: his country and blowing up whatever he could. He became what he referred to as an “Amerrorist.” Yes, it’s as dumb as it sounds. An American terrorist. Ellis figured with all these foreigners in our parts, blowing stuff up, it was logically sound that he could travel to their parts and do the same stuff he did back in the country- Rock out and blow the living hell out of everything.

Ellis’s goal was to travel to third world countries, but after getting conned by slavic woman with a pet monkey (Ellis thought the monkey was small and neat) he ended up in the frigid lands of Siberia, where he lived with a band of criminals with similar sensibilities. Ellis enjoyed the camaraderie of his Russian friends, and enjoyed their clothing even more. He soon developed an identity for himself as a masked arctic warrior, traveling to and fro and spreading patriotism by creating trouble wherever he could go. Somehow this made sense to him.

Eventually, though, Ellis’s time was up, and he was arrested and deported back to America, where he promptly sold out every person he had ever worked with in order to save his snowsuitted ass. When the choice came down to Ellis going to prison or his friends going to prison, Ellis didn’t have to think too very hard.

Having ratted out any criminal he had ever dealt with, Ellis was left with few options, and even less street credibility. He had to make a change soon or risk getting stabbed in the back by any number of people he had already stabbed in the back. Then one day, he saw an ad on TV for a new reality show, The Leet World. Perhaps Ellis could once again live the dream, and rock out on life according to his own rules…

61 thoughts on “Ellis:The Redneck Trek

  1. Andrew

    lol thats funny i spose he should be a lot better in the challanges becuase he has had so much experiecne but still awesome bio guys keep it up

  2. Nuginator

    Hmmm that is really interesting to read

    3 More People: Cortez, Westeimer and everyones favourite Player

  3. Misfit_zer0

    kinda creepy with the cousin thing x.x
    but great bio non the less lol
    great job

  4. roflcopter

    brilliant. epic. win. brilliant, epic win ! lol, thats how he got his look ^.^ and with the cousins and stuff, and the double-wide trailer and the amerrorist thing, and, and and …
    keep it comming ^^

  5. Anonymuzz

    Thank you LAWD! I’ve been waiting for Ellis, and I will say, he’s pretty badass.

  6. Den UK

    sad childhood realy, great story :d.
    my fave is porbs ellis or cortez, but i love the gman parts where the song comes on, always makes me laugh. keep it up

  7. DownSystem

    Now I really want to know what instrument he played in Red, White and Blow it the F*** Up!

  8. backb0ne_uk

    Ellis and his cousins are kinda weird. Great bio, Only 4 more bios to complete the CTs and Ts

  9. CBI Elite

    Good God damn that was a good read! How do you guys come up with this stuff, its like a summary of a movie. πŸ˜€

  10. furrylilmanager

    dudes this was sweet. the part abt saving his “snowsuited ass” was great. keep it up…the good work that is lol

  11. Dudea

    Nice didnt thnk he was 32!!!! Great job overall….since you mentioned FINAL COUNTODOWn to !!!!!EPISODE 13!!!!! when do thinkk it is….Nice bio overall peece out keep up the great work

  12. hedecky

    DownSystem Says:
    May 12th, 2008 at 8:51 am Β» Quote

    Now I really want to know what instrument he played in Red, White and Blow it the F*** Up!

    The drums, he used dynamite sticks!

  13. Squizzle

    Awesome bio, just like the rest ^^

    I think that players will be next, leaving the two leaders’ bios to be last.

  14. Aijati

    I knew Ellis’s bio would be next. It was good, it works well with the show. Except you’d expect him to be just a good shot as Montrose, with his experience. Still it doesn’t really matter, I think Player’s will be next then Cortez then Westhiemer.

  15. the BXRabbit

    I think that the two leaders (especially Cortez) should be last, because they’re the ones that have the most mystery surrounding their backgrounds, as well as if you released Cortez anytime soon it would mess with the suspense about the whole Ocho Muertos/Domination/Mendoza mystery. Anyway, next episode/bio will be an epic win I’m sure. Keep it up!

  16. Erick

    Lol… Nice bio… Can’t wait for next episode, just heard about these episodes 3 days ago and i have already watched ALL of them 3 times…

  17. Halfaren

    i like how you went into detail with this one, even down to how he got his outfit. very nice work =]
    cant wait for Westheimers now

  18. Leeroy

    You shoot deer? That is just not good, why the hell do you wanna kill a beautyful creature? Why Ellis?

  19. K1LL3R

    [quote comment=”5414″]I knew Ellis’s bio would be next. It was good, it works well with the show. Except you’d expect him to be just a good shot as Montrose, with his experience. Still it doesn’t really matter, I think Player’s will be next then Cortez then Westhiemer.[/quote]

    Man dont lie that’s the order that I said u little thing im gonna strangel uuu

  20. Marth182

    “Amerrorist” has to be the best thing I’ve read in weeks! Great bio for my favorite character!

    (I like him even more know that I know he was a dummer!)

  21. Player

    lol it would be funny if westhiemers bio is just like

    “Westhiemer went to the book store and saw an ad for the leetworld. the end.”


  22. Austin

    Kewl I knew some of that stuff but not all of this. kewl lol im his older cousin austin i guess lol

  23. R0FL1Ma0

    every body
    this is my R0flcopter it goes……

  24. Mir

    Wow. Ellis likes snowy places alot. I’m also quite an avid camera man and always go for rainy/snowy sceneries. I gotta meet this guy. He loves bombs and Rock too.

    Great bio.

  25. the-lol-guy

    haha! thing of what would happend if you mixed Ellis and Player, it would be something like this: DlcK$4ndw!tcH

  26. Mr.McStupid

    First… incest is nasty. he’s funny as hell when he plurts out random swear words πŸ˜› funny as f***

    also explains why he has the winter snow camo jacket.

  27. ChetRules

    HEY bo
    DUDE you can’t always be a badass
    Thats one f*cked up family tree
    STFU before i punch you dick bag in
    LOL that shits F***ing funny love it man keep the F***ing funy lines UP

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