We’re closing the gap on Episode 13. It should be out within the week, though as we’ve established, Episodes are like King Kong. You never know when it’s going to climb a big building with a blonde chick and gripe about not coming down. Until you pummel it with bullets, bi-planes and editing tools.
If you hadn’t heard, the deadline for the Themetacular Challenge is now next Monday, May 19th, mainly because when we first planned the contest, we were hoping to have Episode 13 out last week, meaning that you could start voting on a finalist in preparation for the season finale, where the winning song will grace us all with its splendid tunes.
Pretty soon, you’ll see previews for future plans. Smooth Few Films is excited. And when we’re excited, that’s good for you guys.
Since there was no bio last week, I thought I’d bring this one to kick us off on the final countdown to Episode 13. Today, we’re going to take a walk with Ellis, The Leet World’s country boy.
Position: Team Loudmouth
Family. It was all that mattered to the parents, aunts, uncles and cousins that Ellis grew up with. Though Ellis today is famous for his “me first” attitude, this wasn’t always the case. Growing up, life was all about doing the family proud, getting each other’s backs and going deer hunting while liquored up. Eventually, though, Ellis learned the harsh reality that family could be a bitch. Especially pretty cousins.
Ellis was reared in a humble double-wide trailer as a child, which his family shared with his uncles Tom and Billy, as well as their wives, ex-wives and kids. All in all, things were a bit crowded with 20-something people living in such a small place, but they couldn’t complain. Everyone lived peacefully, drank until they passed out, watched day time soaps together and talked about how patriotic they were. As he got older, Ellis’s older cousins Ted and Austin taught him the ways of growing into a young man. They gave him his first “adult” magazines at the age of 7, and taught him to throw back his first sixpack when he was just 9 years old. They also introduced him to rock n’ roll.
When he was 10, Ellis had two experiences that shaped his young life. For one, he shot his first deer. Sure, since he was 3 or 4, he had learned to shoot pistols, rifles and all manner of shotguns, but killing his first large creature was something truly noteworthy to those living in his double-wide trailer. Ellis loved the rush of pulling the trigger, was exhilarated by the thrill of victory as the rifle shot echoed across the highway. Oh yeah, Ellis did this from the window of his dad’s pick-up.
The second event that altered Ellis’s young life was his first kiss, which happened to be for “practice” with his cousin Mary Beth. This led to a long, twisted period of emotional and physical confusion for Ellis which caused him to promptly drop out of high-school when she later declared her love for him at 16. Fighting against the urgings of his family to “seal the deal”, Ellis fled from his simple country town and holed up in a cabin with his cousins Ted and Austin, who were technically adults.
Though their penchant for adult magazines and videos had died only slightly, their love for all things related to shooting, trouble and patriotism had not. Late at night, Ellis and his cousins would often sneak out to wreak havoc on surrounding towns, using makeshift bombs to rob businesses and disturb the general public. The trio also started an AC/DC cover band called “Red, White and Blow it the F*** Up”. Ellis enjoyed living like a rebel, no rules but his own, making money and rocking out in crowded dirty bars. It was the American dream.
Eventually, though, things took a turn south for their days of being rebellious rock gods. Ted and Austin were drafted to join the army. Ellis applied too, but as it turns out, was too stupid. Once the two young men left, Ellis felt all alone in the world. He went back home to his family, who were still urging him to knock it out of the park with Mary Beth (they figured her current ex-husband and two kids wouldn’t mind having him around). After several months, Ellis was challenged by his father to pursue his dreams.
This is when Ellis took off on an unprecedented journey. Having learned from peanut butter and banana sandwiches that two great tastes can, in fact, taste great together, Ellis decided to combine two things that he loved: his country and blowing up whatever he could. He became what he referred to as an “Amerrorist.” Yes, it’s as dumb as it sounds. An American terrorist. Ellis figured with all these foreigners in our parts, blowing stuff up, it was logically sound that he could travel to their parts and do the same stuff he did back in the country- Rock out and blow the living hell out of everything.
Ellis’s goal was to travel to third world countries, but after getting conned by slavic woman with a pet monkey (Ellis thought the monkey was small and neat) he ended up in the frigid lands of Siberia, where he lived with a band of criminals with similar sensibilities. Ellis enjoyed the camaraderie of his Russian friends, and enjoyed their clothing even more. He soon developed an identity for himself as a masked arctic warrior, traveling to and fro and spreading patriotism by creating trouble wherever he could go. Somehow this made sense to him.
Eventually, though, Ellis’s time was up, and he was arrested and deported back to America, where he promptly sold out every person he had ever worked with in order to save his snowsuitted ass. When the choice came down to Ellis going to prison or his friends going to prison, Ellis didn’t have to think too very hard.
Having ratted out any criminal he had ever dealt with, Ellis was left with few options, and even less street credibility. He had to make a change soon or risk getting stabbed in the back by any number of people he had already stabbed in the back. Then one day, he saw an ad on TV for a new reality show, The Leet World. Perhaps Ellis could once again live the dream, and rock out on life according to his own rules…